-sarah's journal-

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 22:18:19 GMT

Saturday:

Corn Muffin
Scallops
Piece of banana bread

Tennis for 2 hours.

Sunday:

2 pieces of banana bread

Tennis for 2 hours.

So weekends will be hard to not eat anything, as my family likes to eat out or have family dinners. The weekdays, however, should be much easier. Plus im buying an exercise machine tonight.. and im playing tennis with dad tomorrow. And i wont have anything.

In 4 days, i've lost 7 pounds. i'm doing good i think.

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 01:57:01 GMT

So i decided im going to eat if i have to in order to decieve people.. like my mom. So.. today, i ate:

2 pieces bacon,
2 pieces bread,
2 eggs,
1 tomato,
1 pc cheese (they were a sandwich)
and 1/2 of a cookie.

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 16:44:12 GMT

I'm a cashier at Target, and yesterday as a woman was coming through the line, she had a microwave. As she was paying i was attempting to put it in a bag, and reading the side of the box at the same time. it amused me a little bit, because the first thing it said was "everybody eats". ha. haha. the weak.

<3

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 21:41:13 GMT

Did bad on my fast today. Had half a plain waffle this morning in health class.

then i had rice. and 2 chicken wings.

bleh. i feel so gross.

i cant go running. its snowing. i hate snow. i hate eating. i def. hate my ugly fat self.

i need to lose weight. ugh.

<3

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 02:24:09 GMT

I didn't do well today. At all. This weekend sucked. so bad. I dont even want to recount what i ate, but i have to. It'll give me strength.

I'm actually happy right now. I watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. Katey is not all that skinny. But she is way skinnier than me. And it gives me inspiration. Normally movies do. Anyway -

This weekend i had so much crap.

I ate Mcd's breakfast with my dad.
Broccoli bites from Charlie's Pizza and Seafood with mom.
Fries from Mcd's.
Half a turkey/ham sandwich
a few packs of those cheese + cracker sticks
Uncle Bens shrimp bowl
coupla cans of regular soda (not even diet..)

and thats all i can remember. But i had to get pictures done this weekend. And my mom bought me this really cute purple sweater. And it looked SO BIG. and i tried it on, and it barely fit me. it was gross.

I'm going to be my goal weight 120 - by prom. May 7, 2005. I have to be. I will be.
i need to lose 70lbs. I'm going to do this. Nothing is holding me back. Nothing.

<33

Nobody's home

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 22:55:14 GMT

I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
she felt it everyday

and i couldn't help her
i just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong whats wrong now?
too many too many problems
dont know where she belongs
where she belongs
she wants to go home
but nobodys home
its where she lies - broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside

open your eyes
and look outside
find the reasons why
you've been rejected
and now you can't find what you've left behind
be strong be strong now
too many too many problems
dont know where she belongs
where she belongs
she wants to go home
but nobodys home
its where she lies - broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside

and her feelings she hides
her dreams she can't find
shes losing her mind
shes fallin behind
she cant find her place
shes losing her faith
shes fallen from grace
shes all over the place

she wants to go home
but nobodys home
thats where she lies - broken inside
with no place to go
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside

shes lost inside
lost inside
ohh ohh
shes lost inside
lost inside
ohh ohh

-avril lavigne song

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 03:31:44 GMT

I really feel soo ugly and fat right now. I feel like crying. i didn't realize how fat i was.. i am horrible. and i ate today. my mom took us out for lunch. i can't stand this. i cant i cant. im not eating anymore. im doing whatever it takes not to. 2 of my friends are already kind of suspicious of my eating habits. they're in my lunch @ school. but i don't eat school lunch anyway. i'll tell them i eat breakfast. or ill tell them that i bring a snack for the afternoon or something. they think everyone should have something to eat during school.

my "best friend" doesn't want me to go on any kind of diet. she gets pissed if i tell her i'm cutting soda or candy out of my life (which i did, a while ago). i dont know why she gets pissed. its not like she doesnt understand. she starved herself for awhile last year or 2 yrs ago or something. and she doesnt regret doing so. so why wouldnt she want me to? i think she's worried that i'll be prettier than her. not to be arrogant or anything, but i have a much prettier face than her. but she has a better body. she's skinny. so so skinny. and i'm fat. fatter than fat. thats gonna change. i swear on anything, i'm *going* to look how i want to by.. christmas. i dont care what anyone wants but me. im gonna be first for once. im so determined to lose *at least* 1lb/day.

it's all good.

<3

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 01:56:26 GMT

starting a fast. i'm definitely sticking to this one, though. it's a long one. i have to at least be 130 or so by the beginning of may. so im starting for 5 days because i havent done it for a while and i have to eat dinner saturday with my dads g/f. then sunday im starting again, for 2 weeks..i think the 1st week will be just fruits/veggies..then just wtaer. not sure yet though. then i'll actually eat..and then another 2 wk fast..depedning on how much i've lost.

i can do this. i totally can. i need to be thin by summer. need to be. have to be. will be.

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 14:40:36 GMT

sorry i havent updated. my fast hasnt been going well. i have been eating. but not much. and ive been exercising like crazy. speaking of which. i need to go do that now.

<3 you

okay..fast day 1

Sat, 28 Feb 2004 15:07:32 GMT

im starting my fast today. no eating anything. my goal is til saturday. 1 week. and ill see how i feel then. it'll probably be easy this week. with school projects taking up all my time and everything. the hard part will be trying to avoid the "family dinners" or whatever {on school nightS} maybe i can go to ashleys every night. well im gonna go.

<33

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 00:07:30 GMT

i really didn't eat that much today!!!

i had a little pork fried rice.. i don't know how much that is.
and i ate oatmeal, which is 120 cals.
oh and i had a slush puppy. thats like.. ice with flavoring, so that cant be too much.

i did pretty good today!

tomorrow it'll be a lil less..

<3<3

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 21:12:12 GMT

i'm not eating any more today. so i decided i'd just post what i ate now.

i had:

-english muffin - 120 cals.
-peanut butter - 190 cals.
-KFC. unfortunately. - 10000000000 cals.

i hate when my mom comes out. because she always takes us out to eat. and she gets suspicious if i only want some little thing.

so i'm done eating for the rest of the day.

total calories: 310 + half pc. chicken and mashed potatoes from KFC.

okay. less than 500 tomorrow. mom's working. she won't be out. dad isn't...but he doesn't take us out to eat anyway. he thinks its a waste. good.

<3

:(

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 21:47:33 GMT

Caitlin. i ate so much. i don't even want to write about it. but i have to tell.

i ate:

5 crackers - 70 calories.
for lunch, a turkey sandwich. with cheese and even mayonnaise. that's gotta be at least 500.
and i had chips. like 200.
and then i had "buffalo bites" and they were 200.

and i have to have dinner. but i need to find an excuse to not eat dinner. i cant eat. i'm already way over our 850 limit.

:(

</3

thinspiration

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 14:20:54 GMT

*Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

*One moment on the lips ... forever on the hips.

*The thinner the winner!

*Hunger hurts but starving works ...

*You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you shall enjoy the twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you
will cordially despise yourself for two or three days, for your lack of willpower.

*Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

*Quod me nutrit, me destruit. (What nourishes me also destroys me.)

*It's simple: You decide once and for all that you aren't going to eat, and then there is no further decision to make.

*I do eat normally: only what is needful for survival. I can't help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.

*Food hinders your progress.

*You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is neccessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything.

*You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed or have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, so it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.

*There is no TRY. There is only DO.

good luck love!

2/18

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 03:39:19 GMT

Alrighty.. so. today.

I had:

*english muffin - 120 cals.
*2 tbsp peanut butter - 190 cals.
*roll - 80 cals.
*turkey - 120 cals.
*cheeseburger macaroni type thing.. - 250 cals.

total - 760 calories. blech. that's pretty bad. oh. plus the piece of gum i'm eating now. thats like 5 calories.

so 765 calories total.

okay. i suppose that's better than how i've been doing. caitlin baby how did you do today?

love you!

thinspiration

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 17:32:09 GMT

I'll post some quotes tomorrow.

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 07:46:05 GMT

I started this journal to record my progress. with my fast. with my girly caitlin elizabeth. so i'm going to update every night. This morning {the past 3 hours} i had nothing to eat. but when i wake up i'm going to have something. because caitlin and i agreed on at least 100 calories first couple of days. ok. well. i'll update tonight.

love you.

*-*sarah's journal*-*

Nobody's home

okay..fast day 1

:(

thinspiration

2/18

thinspiration

-sarah's journal-